Bikkur Cholimis the mitzvah (commandment) of visiting the sick. As Jews, visiting the ill is not only a good thing to do; it is a requirement. Every person must be responsible for every other person. That burden extends to every facet of life, including illness. The Torah obligates us to collectively care for the needy, the orphan, the stranger, the aged and the sick; in other words, we are responsible for helping all those who cannot provide for themselves. Performing the act of Bikkur Cholim is one of the nine obligations without limitation.

The mitzvah of Bikkur Cholim is not particularly easy to perform. Sometimes we become overwhelmed – even if the ill individual is a member of our immediate family or a member of our spiritual communal family, and especially if the person is terminally ill. We are uncomfortable; we are afraid. We may know death is imminent and we do not know what to do or say. We feel helpless and at a seemingly insurmountable loss. Judaism teaches us, though, that life is to be respected and revered; since death is the concluding chapter of life, Jewish law commands us to show the reverence and respect of Bikkur Cholim to the terminally ill as well as for all ill members of the community.

As Dr. Ron Wolfson explains in his book entitled A Time to Mourn, A Time to Comfort, “...communication is the lifeline to personal dignity. Rather than abandoning and ignoring the terminally ill, it is critically important to engage the person in a sharing of emotions and information."

Dr. Wolfson includes the following guidelines from Dr. Robert Buckman to help to all of us in a Kehilat Chesed, a congregation of loving-kindness, in engaging good conversation when visiting the sick or dying.

1. Sit down. When a visitor stands over a patient in a hospital bed, it is very difficult to engage in a conversation that feels comfortable. Sit in a chair or, if appropriate, on the side of the bed. Try to be eye-level with the patient.

2. Be sure the person wants to talk. Remember, the patient is undergoing a treatment regimen that can be exhausting. Or the person may not be in the mood to talk. If you are not sure, ask: “Do you feel like talking?”

3. Be a sensitive listener. Good listeners really listen. Don’t interrupt and don’t anticipate what you think the patient will say. Just listen.

4. Encourage the patient to talk. Use verbal prods: “Tell me more” or “I see…” Use non-verbal prods: nod in agreement, and maintain eye contact. Reflect back to the speaker what you think you have heard by paraphrasing his/her words.

5. Respect silence. If the person stops talking, it is often to collect emotions. Offer your hand. Don’t be afraid of the silence; sometimes there really is nothing to say.

6. Describe your feelings. It is helpful for the patient to know that you too find it difficult to speak about these matters.

7. Don’t change the subject. The patient may get into areas that are troubling to hear. As tough as it may be for you, try to hear her/him out.

8. Be careful with advice. We all have ideas on how to fix things. But, if you give advice early in a conversation you may find it stops the exchange.

9. Reminisce. As people approach the end of life, they often want to tell stories about their lives. As bittersweet as this may be, it is a wonderful way for the patient and the listener to reach a sense of fulfillment and completion.

10. Don’t be afraid of humor. Funny stories, jokes and incidents help people ventilate. A whole literature now exists (see Norman Cousins) on the therapeutic value of laughing.

Bikkur Cholim is a spiritual practice linking our everyday lives with the divine. When we visit the sick, we have the opportunity to bring inspiration into our lives, into the lives of the ones we visit, and into the life of the community. The mitzvot of Bikkur Cholim is a personal act of compassion and an immediate expression of Tikkun Olam, repairing the world.

“Everyone should perceive the world as exactly half good and half evil. By doing one more good act, we tip the scale toward the good.”